“Who are the Avengers?” “Scarlett Johansson, The Second Best Chris, The Best Chris, Guy I Don’t Know, Iron Man, and The Hulk.”
It's hard to avoid Marvel movies these days (I, for one, welcome our comic book overlords). Even if you haven't watched any, they've permeated our culture so much it's impossible not to know SOMETHING about them, right? I put this theory to the test by asking a bunch of my colleagues who aren't into the Marvel Cinematic Universe just how much they knew about it. Here's what happened…
What is the Marvel Cinematic Universe about?
Nicki: Guys in spandex saving the world, mostly.
Adam: Constant war and destruction.
Sarah: Just a bunch of superheroes, fighting crime alone and together, depending on how much they want to get paid.
Angela: People with superpowers come together to destroy evil monsters and save the world. Sometimes they turn against each other and crack cheesy jokes.
Jules: I know that Spider-Man is Marvel, Batman is DC. So, I guess there's no Batman in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It all seems like a way to make more money out of comic books.
Who is in this photo? What are their current fates?
Jamé: I know Thor, Captain America (I hope), Iron Man, and The Hulk. Current fates? Don't they all live, all the time?
Adam: These are the Avengers. They are…half dead? Yeah let's say half of them are dead.
Sarah: Scarlett Johansson, The Second Best Chris, The Best Chris, Guy I don't know, Iron Man, and the Hulk. I'm sure they're not about to die because you can't kill off this many A-Listers in one movie — you need that sequel $$$.
Jules: So this is Captain America, the Hulk, the slow version of the Flash, and three other persons. The world is probably going to end and they want it to not end.
Nikki: Okay I watched this one and I honestly forget what happens?????? Captain American throws his shield or something. I know we got Scar Jo as Black Widow, big ass Thor over there, Captain America, idk who the small guy is, is that Tony Stark??? And Mark Ruffalo disguised as a giant green man.
What do you know about these guys?
Nicki: Nothing, absolutely nothing.
Adam: Those are the people from Guardians of the Galaxy. I have to assume that their job is to guard the galaxy.
Sarah: Fourth Best Chris guards the galaxy with a talking racoon, a tree branch, and Zoe Saldana. Groot is dead and Baby Groot is his son. I'm guessing they save the galaxy?? That would be super shitty if they didn't save it, lol.
Jules: So this is the guy from Parks and Rec, Groot, two aliens, and a furry.
Nikki: The raccoon is really cute and what is Andy Dwyer doing with that hideous moustache. Also I know that tree man thing is named Groot and he may be dead?!?!
What do you know about Wakanda and its people?
Nicki: OMG everything. DOWN WITH THE VIOLENT COLONIAL PROJECT!
Jamé: Beautiful. Black. Led by Black Panther. Powerful. Magnificent.
Sarah: Okay, this movie I DID see. The people of Wakanda are badass. Wakanda forever.
Jules: So I've seen this movie, although I didn't know it was part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Wakanda is a badass African secretive nation which got prosperous by mining its very precious and powerful metal, and I guess they're going to save everyone? Also, what is it with superheroes and weird metal? It's always that or a bug bite.
Nikki: OKAY I LOVE THIS ONE!!!! Wakanda forever!!!! Basically, they're a hidden country protected from the outside world and daddy Killmonger wants to take over the country from T'Challa and use vibranium for bad. Also, please make Princess Shuri an OFFICIAL DISNEY PRINCESS THANKS!
What’s this guy’s journey been?
Nicki: A wardrobe mistake from start to finish.
Sarah: After meeting a young pop singer at a Met Gala party, he enters into a whirlwind romance that starts on the shores of Rhode Island and ends on the streets of Rome.
Angela: My guess is he was bullied as a kid, grew up seeking revenge from the people who bullied him (or the entire planet), and has come back to destroy the Avengers. Maybe he was convinced to join the good side?
Jules: Is he Thor? He looks like a viking. He also looks like a mix of the three men from Friends somehow. He's probably trying to build an action movie career after having started in comedy.
Nikki: Is he the leader of goats or something??? Idk.
What about this guy?
Jamé: Who the heck is this?!
Adam: Honestly idk but he looks like he needs a haircut.
Sarah: Is this not Jon Snow?????
Angela: He either sacrificed himself to save one of the Avengers or was killed trying to fight one of the Avengers.
Nikki: I feel like a gorilla is about to attack him.
How many movies have there been so far?
Jamé: …a lot.
Sarah: Like, 50 probably?? Idk.
Nikki: I think like 18.
Who will be at war in Infinity War?
Adam: Based on the name “infinity” I have to assume…everyone? All the people ever in existence?
Sarah: Everyone. Even third best Chris, Chris Pine. Sounds like a big deal.
Angela: Iron Man and Captain America? Did that happen already?
Adrian: A guy called Thanos.
Nikki: Literally everyone and their moms (T'challa's mom).
What do you know about this guy?
Jamé: He has a weird chin.
Jules: Ah, yes, brown Hulk.
Adam: Is this the guy from Fantastic Four who turns into rocks?
Adrian: That he's a badass.
Nikki: Is that Zeus?
What are the infinity stones?
Nicki: Things you pass, painfully?
Adam: Lmao you're making this one up.
Sarah: Some kind of crystal that makes you live forever. I'm sure Spencer Pratt's trying to get one for himself.
Angela: I think I saw one in Black Panther?????
Nikki: ???? Is it like the Sorcerer's stone?
Who do you think will die in Infinity War?
Nicki: Everyone bar Shuri.
Adam: Everyone who isn't already dead.
Sarah: Probably the villain. (Who is the villain? Bald dude?) They'd never kill off Chris 1, 2, or 3. Heroes probably aren't allowed to die.
Angela: A bunch of evil people and one good person.
Adrian: Iron Man.
What comes after Infinity War?
Jamé: Uh…another Infinity War?
Sarah: Eternity War.
Jules: If it's a real Infinity War, it should be going on for ever, which seems to be the case.
Angela: Black Panther 2, I hope?
Adrian: World peace?
Any final thoughts?
Jamé: This was really hard. But I'm still going to watch it!
Adam: I'm stressed out just trying to think about how all those Marvel TV shows fit into this as well.
Angela: I know nothing, but pretttyyy tempted to watch now.
Adrian: I think I need to watch more Marvel movies.
Nikki: WAKANDA FOREVER.